Struggles & Beginning

The empty chair when you’re not there;

The missing touch of your warm clasp;

The life at the table that came from you;

Ah where are you Mum, where are you?

The questions when you forgot some word or prayer;

The “let it be” when things got tough;

The care we gave unstintingly-

But now the love is just not enough

I fill my days with doing more,

So I do not stop to miss you so,

But from the thoughts I cannot run,

Of caring, I just can’t let go.

I turn to you, forgetting.

Sometimes I think I try too hard,

To fill the void you’ve left behind-

With what, with what I do not know,

The fact you’re gone just slips my mind.

I know you are up there and better off,

I know the love will still be in our hearts,

But it’s little comfort when I reach

For your hand and instead touch

The arms of your empty chair.

Now the period of mourning is over-

The black and blue hues replaced with the bright,

But we know these are just visible signs of closure:

In a heart that struggles with the pain at its height.

Feeling your presence, your closeness, your guidance

In the sleep that remains troubled and sore

The questions, the “if only” still surfacing, reminding

Again and again of all we had and more.

Moments of loneliness as we walk in the light,

Like shadows in every painting,

Of flowers and leaves in sunshine so bright,

Light and shadows together on leaves and fields dancing.

And so, we move on knowing life is not ended,

Feeling her touch in the gentle breeze.

A part of us, yet apart till we stop groping in silence,

Till one day life, in its fullness, breaks through,

And we hear again the birds, in joy chirping,

In the patterns of love through which we move.

I fled to you with grief so sore,  

The woe I felt deep in my heart,

The shades of green that greeted me,

To my broken soul did Hope impart!

That through this growth, though there be pain

I will one day be whole again.

The quiet murmurings of brooks and peaceful lake waters

Brought me a peace amidst the many memories

Of a love that would not cease

And so I rested for a while, just a brief respite

From eyes red with overflowing tears

To take the bitter with the sweet

For all the love I have received

Knowing, believing when it is over

And we meet again in another world,

To feel His embrace, hear His voice say

“Welcome home, my brave daughter,

How well you have proved your worth.”

A single plant remained

Alone in the pot

Watered faithfully each day

It stood upright

I waited to see which way it would go

And then today the tiniest of leaves appeared

Surely this is renewal

This is growth, this is life

Believe, it says, never give up

For where there’s life

There is hope – evergreen,

Growing from within

Imperceptibly but there

By the Hand of One

Step by step lighting up just in time

He shows me the way

Seeing turns only as they come

When all the rest of the path dark stays

Hands groping out

For Him to reach me

Then a touch on my elbow guides

Leads me over and upwards

Till I reach the topmost stile

And now I see the twists and turns

And know I could not have braved the way ahead

Except one step at a time in His hand.

So in life why do we want to know

The future days, months and years ahead

 Only Trust and Faith can show us

How to overcome the twists and turns of life

Not 2 or 3, but one step at a time.

Yet oft when we read a book

Before we even reach the middle

In haste we turn the page to the back

To know the ending so as not to wait.

How soon we lose the anticipation

Of journeying step by step through the plot

And spoiling our joy by cheating a peep

Ashamed after that at our ploy.

We learn then there is joy in waiting

Surprises at every step that

In haste we miss.

Like threads only woven with patience

Which can yield a picture of such bliss.

Use me Lord each day as I listen

To wait, to come and to stop in time.

To draw strength from the breaks we take

And then move on… one step at a time.

Find me in the God filled spaces

When things go right,

And days are long and slow.

Find me when you take the time,

To hear birds chirping and church bells chime,

In laughter and love that celebrates LIFE

Find me when your heart is light,

And smells of spices linger in the air,

When cooking in peace turns out right,

when the ingredient of love is there.

Find me in your heart at night,

In comforting thoughts of days well spent,

For I was a creature of content.

Find me in the values I taught

Of friendship, love and happiness,

In my words of “in the will of God I rest.”

Find me when you turn and say,

“It was mum who showed me the way”,

and love me and yourself and God even more.

Find me in today, my darling, as you go God’s joyful way

Look for me not in sad yesterdays,

For I am home and I live with Him – today.

To forgive – a challenge, but in the end, after a long time

We can achieve it, as we internalise

Christ’s forgiveness on the cross,

And come to realise that it is His will for us.

Its easier to know why we need to do it,

Than to let go of our hurts and anxieties,

And yet with His help and grace, it is done.

But do we do a complete job of it?

How do we forgive ourselves

When we are the first to crucify and condemn

The one we see in the mirror.

How do we let go of our own rebuffs and regrets

As we grow to be bitter.

Move from condemning ourselves to condemn others.

That is harder yet with His repentance and grace

we can look at the mirror and see

That He is there in us, that we are loved and graced

and that if God loves us and abides in us,

We have no other choice but to thankfully accept

Both His forgiveness and ours of ourselves.

For it is only then that we can love others

with the love of Christ, given freely, to be shared freely

With a commitment and resolve

That needs daily renewal that starts with

Thankfulness at being forgiven and loved first

By this Amazing God that gives us strength l

To bring love to others, deserving or otherwise;

Who forgives us our trespasses

And asks us to forgive those who trespass against us

Including ourselves , so that we may have peace,